Craigs List Ad
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah Night Before Last.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually
crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we
had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head isn't it?
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me(preventing you from calling
or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as the tanks of the four other people in the gas station, with your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely
grateful.
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet(that made his day). I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb, after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, even though I was only on the phone with her for a little over a day now. So what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening
phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning high level government officials as possible targets. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you, but I feel this type of
retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you
might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
And Then the Fight Started
My wife sat down on the seat next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started.
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to make love?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, and simply said, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started.
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started.
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you
just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Well it struck me as funny that the other guy was a dwarf. He stormed over to my car, looked up at me and shouted, "I am not happy!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you? Grumpy?"
And then the fight started.
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started.
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive. So, I took her to a Gas station.
And then the fight started.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My Goodness!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started.
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started.
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to make love?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, and simply said, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started.
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started.
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you
just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Well it struck me as funny that the other guy was a dwarf. He stormed over to my car, looked up at me and shouted, "I am not happy!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you? Grumpy?"
And then the fight started.
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started.
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive. So, I took her to a Gas station.
And then the fight started.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My Goodness!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started.
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started.
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replied, "Your eyesight's dang near perfect."
And then the fight started.
Thanks Gerrad!
Find True Love
If you don't forward this, you will be single for a very long time. When you forward it, put one or more of the following in the subject line:
A-P-P-L-E (If you are taken.)
B-L-U-E-B-E-R-R-Y (If you absolutly adore someone.)
B-A-N-A-N-A (If you are confused.)
C-H-E-R-R-Y(If you like someone but not sure how they feel about you.)
G-R-A-P-E (If your single.)
L-E-M-O-N (If you have given up.)
P-E-A-C-H (If there's no point in liking the person you like.)
P-I-N-E-A-P-P-L-E (If your just taking life as it comes.)
S-T-R-A-W-B-E-R-R-Y (If you like someone and they like you but you'renot going out.)
Send this to 10 people, and in 6 months you will find the love of your life.
Thanks Jasmin!
A-P-P-L-E (If you are taken.)
B-L-U-E-B-E-R-R-Y (If you absolutly adore someone.)
B-A-N-A-N-A (If you are confused.)
C-H-E-R-R-Y(If you like someone but not sure how they feel about you.)
G-R-A-P-E (If your single.)
L-E-M-O-N (If you have given up.)
P-E-A-C-H (If there's no point in liking the person you like.)
P-I-N-E-A-P-P-L-E (If your just taking life as it comes.)
S-T-R-A-W-B-E-R-R-Y (If you like someone and they like you but you'renot going out.)
Send this to 10 people, and in 6 months you will find the love of your life.
Thanks Jasmin!
Helpful Hintsto Make Your Winters Easier
Keep your headlights clear with car wax. Just wipe ordinary car wax on your headlights. It contains special water repellents that will prevent that messy mixture from accumulating on your lights; lasts 6 weeks.
Squeak-proof your wipers with rubbing alcohol. Wipe the wipers with a cloth saturated with rubbing alcohol or ammonia. This one trick can make badly streaking & squeaking wipers change to near perfect silence & clarity.
Ice-proof your windows with vinegar. Frost on it's way? Just fill a spray bottle with three parts vinegar to one part water & spritz it on all your windows at night. In the morning, they'll be clear of icy mess. Vinegar contains acetic acid, which raises the melting point of water, preventing water from freezing.
Prevent car doors from freezing shut with cooking spray. Spritz cooking oil on the rubber seals around car doors & rub it in with a paper towel. The cooking spray prevents water from melting into the rubber.
Fog-proof your windshield with shaving cream. Spray some shaving cream on the inside of your windshield & wipe if off with paper towels. Shaving cream has many of the same ingredients found in commercial defoggers.
De-ice your lock in seconds with hand sanitizer. Just put some hand sanitizer gel on the key & the lock & the problems solved.
Squeak-proof your wipers with rubbing alcohol. Wipe the wipers with a cloth saturated with rubbing alcohol or ammonia. This one trick can make badly streaking & squeaking wipers change to near perfect silence & clarity.
Ice-proof your windows with vinegar. Frost on it's way? Just fill a spray bottle with three parts vinegar to one part water & spritz it on all your windows at night. In the morning, they'll be clear of icy mess. Vinegar contains acetic acid, which raises the melting point of water, preventing water from freezing.
Prevent car doors from freezing shut with cooking spray. Spritz cooking oil on the rubber seals around car doors & rub it in with a paper towel. The cooking spray prevents water from melting into the rubber.
Fog-proof your windshield with shaving cream. Spray some shaving cream on the inside of your windshield & wipe if off with paper towels. Shaving cream has many of the same ingredients found in commercial defoggers.
De-ice your lock in seconds with hand sanitizer. Just put some hand sanitizer gel on the key & the lock & the problems solved.
Art Theif
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and the make such an obvious error, he replied,
"Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
(And you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to tell you this one!)
Well, I figured I have nothing Toulouse.
Via
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and the make such an obvious error, he replied,
"Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
(And you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to tell you this one!)
Well, I figured I have nothing Toulouse.
Via
Funny Snail Jokes
A snail goes to a used car lot to buy a car. The sales person asks, "What are you looking for in a car?"
The snail says, "I want a really fast car with big side doors so I can write a huge "S" on each door."
The salesman says, "That's a weird request, why?"
The snail says, "Because when I drive through town I want people to say, "Look at that S-Car-Go!"
A farmer hears a knock at his door late one winter's night. He opens his door, looks around and looks down and there, at his doorstep, is a snail. The snail says, "Can I come in, I'm really coooooold?"
The Farmer says, "No, get outta here you stupid snail," and kicks him across the garden.
Spring comes, then summer then fall and before you know it, it's winter again, The farmer hears a knock on his door. He opens the door, looks around and sees that same snail from last year, who says, "What did you do that for?"
Why did the snail cross the road?
I don't know - but I'll let you know when it gets here!
What is the definition of a slug?
A snail with a housing problem!
A snail walks into a bank to make a deposit. Then a turtle comes in and robs the bank.
Afterward, the police are interviewing the snail and asks him to recount what had happened, The snail says, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Leave them to slug it out!
What does a snail say when it rides on a turtles back?
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
I took my new snail buddy home with me today. He took one look at my house and said,
"Wow! I wouldn't want to carry that on my back!"
Thanks Alishia!
The snail says, "I want a really fast car with big side doors so I can write a huge "S" on each door."
The salesman says, "That's a weird request, why?"
The snail says, "Because when I drive through town I want people to say, "Look at that S-Car-Go!"
A farmer hears a knock at his door late one winter's night. He opens his door, looks around and looks down and there, at his doorstep, is a snail. The snail says, "Can I come in, I'm really coooooold?"
The Farmer says, "No, get outta here you stupid snail," and kicks him across the garden.
Spring comes, then summer then fall and before you know it, it's winter again, The farmer hears a knock on his door. He opens the door, looks around and sees that same snail from last year, who says, "What did you do that for?"
Why did the snail cross the road?
I don't know - but I'll let you know when it gets here!
What is the definition of a slug?
A snail with a housing problem!
A snail walks into a bank to make a deposit. Then a turtle comes in and robs the bank.
Afterward, the police are interviewing the snail and asks him to recount what had happened, The snail says, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Leave them to slug it out!
What does a snail say when it rides on a turtles back?
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
I took my new snail buddy home with me today. He took one look at my house and said,
"Wow! I wouldn't want to carry that on my back!"
Thanks Alishia!
The Most Expensive Car Wrecks Ever
Via Joe-KS:
#10. Bugatti EB110 - $500,000
This 1992 $500,000 super-exotic Bugatti EB110 was being driven by a mechanic as part of its annual checkup. He claims there was an oil slick on the road which caused him to lose control and crash into a pole. The owner of the Bugatti is a famous "feel good" guru named Emile Ratelband. Not sure how good he was feeling after this wreck.
#9. Pagani Zonda C12 S - $650,000
Only 15 Zonda C12 S were ever built, but that didn't stop this owner from driving it like a madhatter. He crashed this beauty in the wee morning hours while driving in Hong Kong.
#8. Mercedes Benz SL 300 - $950,000
The SL 300 "Gullwing" represents the very finest of Mercedes. The owner thought it would be a good idea to race this million dollar car on the streets of Mexico, at the annual "La Carrera Panamericana" race - limited to classic cars produced before 1965.
#7. Jaguar XJ220 - $1.1 Million
The XJ220 once held the record for highest top speed for a production car (217 mph).
#6. Ferrari Enzo - $1.3 Million
The most famous Ferrari Enzo crash (shown below) was at Malibu, California in 2005, when the driver, "Fat Steven" Eriksson crashed the car at 196 mph.
#5. Bugatti Veyron - $1.6 Million
The Bugatti Veyron is the most expensive production car in history. Only 300 are expected to be produced, and already two have crashed. Above is the first one. The driver thought it was okay to speed at 100 mph in the rain. He only had the car for one week.
#4. 1959 Ferrari 250 GT TDF - $1.65 Million
This extremely rare classic car, the 1959 Ferrari 250 GT "Tour de France," crashed into a wall at the Shell Ferrari-Maserati Historic Challenge in 2003.
#3. Ferrari 250 GT Spyder - $10.9 Million
The record price for a 1961 250 GT California Spyder at auction was set on May 18, 2008 when a black one was sold for $10,894,900. So what is one doing buried in the sand? The unlucky owner had it stored near the beach when a Hurricane hit.
#2. Ferrari 250 GTO - $28.5 Million
The 1962-64 Ferrari 250 GTO became the most valuable car in the world. In 2008 an anonymous English buyer bought a 250 GTO at auction for a record $28.5 Million. The crash above represents a car worth more than the combined value of all 14 Enzos (see #6 above) involved in accidents. After a track event involving historic cars, the owner rammed into the back of another car after traffic slowed down.
#1. Tiger Wood's Escalade - TBD
The most expensive car crash ever? Final estimate to be determined by Elin Nordegren.
#10. Bugatti EB110 - $500,000
This 1992 $500,000 super-exotic Bugatti EB110 was being driven by a mechanic as part of its annual checkup. He claims there was an oil slick on the road which caused him to lose control and crash into a pole. The owner of the Bugatti is a famous "feel good" guru named Emile Ratelband. Not sure how good he was feeling after this wreck.
#9. Pagani Zonda C12 S - $650,000
Only 15 Zonda C12 S were ever built, but that didn't stop this owner from driving it like a madhatter. He crashed this beauty in the wee morning hours while driving in Hong Kong.
#8. Mercedes Benz SL 300 - $950,000
The SL 300 "Gullwing" represents the very finest of Mercedes. The owner thought it would be a good idea to race this million dollar car on the streets of Mexico, at the annual "La Carrera Panamericana" race - limited to classic cars produced before 1965.
#7. Jaguar XJ220 - $1.1 Million
The XJ220 once held the record for highest top speed for a production car (217 mph).
#6. Ferrari Enzo - $1.3 Million
The most famous Ferrari Enzo crash (shown below) was at Malibu, California in 2005, when the driver, "Fat Steven" Eriksson crashed the car at 196 mph.
#5. Bugatti Veyron - $1.6 Million
The Bugatti Veyron is the most expensive production car in history. Only 300 are expected to be produced, and already two have crashed. Above is the first one. The driver thought it was okay to speed at 100 mph in the rain. He only had the car for one week.
#4. 1959 Ferrari 250 GT TDF - $1.65 Million
This extremely rare classic car, the 1959 Ferrari 250 GT "Tour de France," crashed into a wall at the Shell Ferrari-Maserati Historic Challenge in 2003.
#3. Ferrari 250 GT Spyder - $10.9 Million
The record price for a 1961 250 GT California Spyder at auction was set on May 18, 2008 when a black one was sold for $10,894,900. So what is one doing buried in the sand? The unlucky owner had it stored near the beach when a Hurricane hit.
#2. Ferrari 250 GTO - $28.5 Million
The 1962-64 Ferrari 250 GTO became the most valuable car in the world. In 2008 an anonymous English buyer bought a 250 GTO at auction for a record $28.5 Million. The crash above represents a car worth more than the combined value of all 14 Enzos (see #6 above) involved in accidents. After a track event involving historic cars, the owner rammed into the back of another car after traffic slowed down.
#1. Tiger Wood's Escalade - TBD
The most expensive car crash ever? Final estimate to be determined by Elin Nordegren.
Kids Say the Darndest Things
TEACHER:
Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA:
Here it is.
TEACHER:
Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:
Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER:
John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN:
K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER:
No, that's wrong.
GLENN:
Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:
H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:
What are you talking about?
DONALD:
Yesterday you said it's H to O.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:
Me!
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:
Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE:
I is.
TEACHER:
No, Millie. Always say, "I am."
MILLIE:
Alright. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:
Because George still had the axe in his hand.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:
No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE:
No, sir. It's the same dog.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:
A teacher.
Thanks Marley!
Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA:
Here it is.
TEACHER:
Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:
Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER:
John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN:
K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER:
No, that's wrong.
GLENN:
Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:
H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:
What are you talking about?
DONALD:
Yesterday you said it's H to O.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:
Me!
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:
Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE:
I is.
TEACHER:
No, Millie. Always say, "I am."
MILLIE:
Alright. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:
Because George still had the axe in his hand.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:
No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE:
No, sir. It's the same dog.
_____________________________________
TEACHER:
Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:
A teacher.
Thanks Marley!
What?
1. I want patience and I want it now!
2. Dichotomy is the root of all evil.
3. Anyone who judges others is horrible and evil.
4. I cannot tolerate intolerance.
5. I object to anyone who makes assumptions like the assumption that I assume you are making.
6. If you feel guilty you should be ashamed of yourself.
7. I am the most humble person on earth.
8. I can be more self-righteous than anyone; I am just so superior that I choose not to.
9. I could be wrong. I thought I was wrong once before, but I was wrong.
10. I used to think that I was superior just like you but I overcame that fault years ago.
11. I'm modest and proud of it.
12. Superstition brings bad luck.
13. Don't ask me what I think of ignorance and apathy; I don't know and I don't care.
14. Humanity can be divided into two groups of people; those who divide humanity into two groups of people and those who do not.
15. I'm not in denial.
16. You are so judgmental.
17. Is anal retentive hyphenated?
18. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
19. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
20. Everyone's an individual, but I don't think I am.
Thanks, Marley!
2. Dichotomy is the root of all evil.
3. Anyone who judges others is horrible and evil.
4. I cannot tolerate intolerance.
5. I object to anyone who makes assumptions like the assumption that I assume you are making.
6. If you feel guilty you should be ashamed of yourself.
7. I am the most humble person on earth.
8. I can be more self-righteous than anyone; I am just so superior that I choose not to.
9. I could be wrong. I thought I was wrong once before, but I was wrong.
10. I used to think that I was superior just like you but I overcame that fault years ago.
11. I'm modest and proud of it.
12. Superstition brings bad luck.
13. Don't ask me what I think of ignorance and apathy; I don't know and I don't care.
14. Humanity can be divided into two groups of people; those who divide humanity into two groups of people and those who do not.
15. I'm not in denial.
16. You are so judgmental.
17. Is anal retentive hyphenated?
18. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
19. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
20. Everyone's an individual, but I don't think I am.
Thanks, Marley!
Coffee Filters
Better than paper towels and a lot less expensive, coffee filters.
1. Cover bowls or dishes when cooking in the microwave. Coffee filters make excellent covers.
1. Cover bowls or dishes when cooking in the microwave. Coffee filters make excellent covers.
2. Clean windows, mirrors, and chrome. Coffee filters are lint-free so they'll leave windows sparkling.
3. Protect China by separating your good dishes with a coffee filter between each dish.
4. Filter broken cork from wine. If you break the cork when opening a wine bottle, filter the wine through a coffee filter.
5. Protect a cast-iron skillet. Place a coffee filter in the skillet to absorb moisture and prevent rust.
6. Apply shoe polish. Ball up a lint-free coffee filter.
7. Recycle frying oil. After frying, strain oil through a sieve lined with a coffee filter.
8. Weigh chopped foods. Place chopped ingredients in a coffee filter on a kitchen scale.
9. Hold tacos. Coffee filters make convenient wrappers for messy foods.
10. Stop the soil from leaking out of a plant pot. Line a plant pot with a coffee filter to prevent the soil from going through the drainage holes.
11. Prevent a Popsicle from dripping. Poke one or two holes as needed in a coffee filter.
12. Do you think we used expensive strips to wax eyebrows? Use strips of coffee filters.
13. Put a few in a plate and put your fried bacon, French fries, chicken fingers, etc on them. It soaks up all the grease.
14. Keep in the bathroom. They make great "razor nick fixers."
15. As a sewing backing. Use a filter as an easy-to-tear backing for embroidering or appliquéing soft fabrics.
16. Put baking soda into a coffee filter and insert into shoes or a closet to absorb or prevent odors.
17. Use them to strain soup stock and to tie fresh herbs in to put in soups and stews.
18. Use a coffee filter to prevent spilling when you add fluids to your car.
19. Use them as a spoon rest while cooking and clean up small counter spills.
20. Can use to hold dry ingredients when baking or when cutting a piece of fruit or veggies. Saves on having extra bowls to wash.
21. Use them to wrap Christmas ornaments for storage.
22. Use them to remove fingernail polish when out of cotton balls.
23. Use them to sprout seeds. Simply dampen the coffee filter, place seeds inside, fold it and place it into a plastic baggie until they sprout.
24. Use coffee filters as blotting paper for pressed flowers. Place the flowers between two coffee filters and put the coffee filters in phone book.
25. Use as a disposable "snack bowl" for popcorn, chips, etc.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)