Definitions for Parents

Amnesia:
Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

Top Bunk:
Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

Two-Minute Warning:
When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Grandparents:
The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Impregnable:
A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Puddle:
A small body of water that draws other small bodies into it.

Dumbwaiter:
One who asks if the kids want ice cream.

Family Planning:
The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart at the dinner table, to avoid a food fight.

Feedback:
The gift your kids give you. Even when it’s not your birthday.

Full Name:
What you call your child when you’re mad at them.

Hear-say:
What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independent:
How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Ow:
The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

Prenatal:
When your life was still somewhat your own.

Sterilize:
What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Who-dunit:
None of the kids that live in your house.