Q: What’s the difference between a musician and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: How do you get an musician off your front step?
A: Pay for the pizza.
Q: How do you get an electric guitarist to turn down his amp?
A: Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.
Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It doesn’t matter – bass players are never in the light anyway.
Q: How many “deadheads” does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don’t change it. They just wait for it to burn out, and then they follow it around for 30 years.
Q: What does it mean when a drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?
A: The stage is level.