Celebrities With Bad Teeth

Kirsten Dunst has bad teeth. It's like she never got her big girl teeth, or she was cursed to wander the earth with the teeth of an elf.



Tom Cruise has bad teeth. His smile is all gummy, his gums are all red and irritated, his two front teeth are like Chiclets, and they are off center.



Steve Buscemi has bad teeth, but he is a great actor. He has that one awful snaggle tooth. It's like that one tooth is British. The rest of his mouth isn't pretty, but that one makes me nauseous.



Mike Tyson has bad teeth. If you ever run into him, I hope you have had your tetanus shot.



Madonna has bad teeth. Madonna, it isn't cute, that gap is gross and unsettling. Grab some spackle and a trowel, and fill that sucker in.



John Heder has bad teeth. In Napoleon Dynamite the teeth fit the role perfectly, since then it is just distracting. Though perhaps it will distract people from how bad he is in every movie not called Napoleon Dynamite.



Hillary Duff has bad teeth. The worst part? These horse teeth are self inflicted. Duff used to have a nice, normal smile, until she capped them all.



Elliott Yamin from American Idol has bad teeth. Poor spacing, over sized, yellow, what isn't going wrong here?



Amy Winehouse has bad teeth. Yikes. She looks like a crazy person. Oh wait, she is.



Avril Lavigne has bad teeth. They would almost be nice, if she didn't have that one vampire fang.



Ricky Gervais has bad teeth. He is funny as hell, but his teeth aint helping him. Being British is no excuse, you still have to floss.



Morgan Freeman has bad teeth. It's like he has to inverse snaggle teeth. Instead of being big and sticking out, his incisors are tiny, and hidden. The orange hue isn't doing him any favors either.



Jewel has bad teeth. Is she super hot? Yes. But she looks better with her mouth closed.



Hillary has bad teeth. No explanation needed.

Lunchtime at the Ford Factory

You Have Two Cows...

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one..
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Great Redneck Inventions

The El Camino swimming pool. Hot and sweaty? No pool to cool off in? No problem. With some plastic liner, and an El Camino, you can relax in style, just like them Hollywood folk.



The motorcycle jet ski. Three inner tubes, an old motorcycle, a little duct tape, and you have yourself a fancy jet ski.



Do you want the elegance and protection of aluminum siding, without all the cost? Well try license plates. License plates can be picked up in any Walmart parking lot, with zero out of pocket cost.



Home made beer goggles. Now you can make your wife pretty, without the countless hours of drinking. Of course, you are going to drink anyway, but now you can look stylish doing it.



Some old suburbans, and old pick up, a blowtorch or hack saw, and you too can take your date to the hootenanny in style.



Do you lay awake at night frustrated that your guests are ringing the doorbell in far too much comfort? Do you wish their was someway you could make their doorbell ringing experience uncomfortable? Well have them push a deer's balloon knot, that should do the trick!



Car alarm? Door lock? The Club? Who needs em. A couple of holes, and a bike chain work just fine, thank you very much.



Is your BBQ a little bland? Does it need some extra flavor? What about a dash of fecal matter and uric acid? Mmmm, delicious.



Your old underwear worn out? Well, there is no need to throw it away, just turn it into a designer tank top.



Old? Immobile? Incontinent? No problem.



Paranoid? Have access to an old school bus? Then bury it! It makes a great bomb shelter. It also provides great cover for your meth lab or moonshine still.



Metal can be expensive. Wood is cheap, you can get it from your neighbors yard. Motorcycles built from wood just make sense.



You seen this fellers bass fishin' boat? Top-o the line.



Adding a sidecar to your motorcycle not only makes it easier to tow your girl around, but now you have someone to hold your beer!



These two know how to have a good time in their home made hot tub. But don't stay in too long, or you will cook. Seriously, we are talking redneck stew.



Do you want that flat screen look, without the flat screen price tag? Well then, punch a hole in your wall. Problem solved.

Tickle Me Elmo Factory

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes The Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there Are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains Of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena ..

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

Moment of Impact - Ouch

Ever wish you got something really painful on camera, right at the moment of impact? Well these people managed. These have all got to hurt.

Just Before the Pain Begins

You know that moment where time seems to slow down, as your body fills with adrenaline, anticipating the imminent pain? Well, I can guarantee these people were experiencing just that, and perhaps some are well passed that: